Tantra Massage - What is it?

Welcome, seeker. Are you drowning in the river of information that’s out there about Tantra Massages? Fear not, we’ve got your back! 

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You might have been wondering, what really makes a massage “tantric”? Or, how to choose the right practitioner? Perhaps, what you really want to know is whether a Tantra Massage comes with a “happy ending” (trust me, it’s pretty sure you will be happy the whole time)? Or, whether it is OK for women to receive Tantric Massages? (YES!!!)

On the simplest of levels, Tantra Massage is a bodywork session for the whole of you. Your body, heart, mind, spirit and sexual energy. Yes, your genitals, too. It is a space where you can totally relax and don’t have to worry about what to do, how to be or what to give back.

So let’s get you through 10 essential points of the Tantra Massage Universe.

1. Healthy Muscle And Joint For Users: 

When choosing a Tantric Practitioner you will want to pick someone you feel has experience and integrity in this field. Genuine Tantric practitioners will have trained at a special school and learned specific bodywork techniques and often will have studied many different therapeutic or healing modalities. Choose someone who is trustworthy (maybe referred by someone you trust) and has done the inner work required to hold space for the whole of you. Someone you feel safe with.

For this, you might want to talk to them over the phone before you meet. If you want a truly tantric experience, you will have to show up and be willing to talk about, you know, “the stuff” that is going on for you. (Even when you think there is no “stuff”).

(If you don’t want all of that and are just looking for a pleasant sensual/sexual experience, you might want to consider a sensual or erotic massage instead).

The process of choosing a practitioner will probably be different depending on your gender and/or sexual orientation. Don’t hesitate to ask all your questions, so you really know, the person you have chosen is the right one for you. Read their website, look at who they have studied with and perhaps ask them why they have chosen this kind of work. You can learn A LOT about a person by asking what drives them.

Some tantric practitioners will encourage you to fill in an Intake Form, where you are asked to answer some questions in writing. Is there a specific issue, problem, challenge you are facing? Is there something you are curious about? Or are you just looking to let go and not think about any of that? Both of those, and everything in between, is perfectly valid and welcome. You can always trust a therapist who is willing to refer you to a different person if they feel you could be served better by someone else!If you get such a form, do not shy away from filling it in in great detail, because it will help you clarify what you are really looking for. And, you know what? If you are clear on what you want, you might even get it! 

2. Honour your experience: 

It is important that you take the time for your session. Tantra Massage is not a “quickie” - you might want to set aside a couple of hours for it, and often when working with a specific issue, you will need even longer. Respect yourself and your therapist by showing up on time, with an open and curious mind, willing to learn something new.

3. Your session

OK, so you arrived to your session, what now? Most probably, a conversation ensues, drawing on what you have already talked about over the phone. Guidelines will be shared, and you will be asked about boundaries (is there any part of your body you don’t want to be touched?). You will also be encouraged to speak to your desires, the kind of touch you enjoy most, fears and worries you might be experiencing.

4. Tantric Practices

After you have exchanged information about boundaries and desires, you might be invited into some kind of Tantric Practice (breathwork, meditation, ritual, adoration etc). Most probably, there will be conscious breathing. Allow yourself to be led in this, it will support you tremendously in leaving your day behind, relaxing into your body and slowing down your mind. And breath is also the key into deeper and more profound ecstatic states. But alas, if you have been breathing for 90 minutes and nothing else happened, you might want to voice your concern.

5. Will I be naked???

Yes, you will be naked in the session. If that feels comfortable for you, that is. Most therapists will start with this choice, and most receivers happily oblige. But if full nakedness is not your thing to jump into right when you just met someone, that’s perfect as well. Speak your mind. In fact, do speak your mind, whenever there is something to say. We are so disconnected from our desires, from what truly moves, fulfills or challenges us, that often it remains unsaid. In a Tantra Massage session you will be invited to speak what comes up for you, and it will be received with love and acceptance.

6. Tantric Touch

OK, so you have talked, you have breathed, now you are naked and receiving blissful loving touch. You can expect all kinds of different qualities in this, deep and releasing, soft, long, wave-like strokes, sensual caressing, faster and fiery touch, body to body contact. You might even get to wear a blindfold. There is nothing for you to do, just let go and receive!

7. Will my genitals be touched?

Yes. Both cocks and pussies will receive loving touch and devotion. If you have a cock, this is called Lingam Massage. And it is OK to have a hard-on or not to have a hard-on. It is OK to lose your erection in the process and get turned on again. Yes, it is totally OK to be horny!And if you have a pussy, she will most probably be massaged as well. WITH YOUR CONSENT! This is called a Yoni Massage. Please, if you have a pussy, make sure she is asked before being touched. Should your practitioner not lead with this and tell you they will ask for your consent BEFORE they touch you “there”, they are either not the right person for you, or they might just be in such a transcendentally ecstatic experience of service that they forgot to ask - make sure you remind them! And then decide for yourself if you still want them to touch you. It is YOUR session, YOU are in charge, YOU decide what should be in it and what not.Note to the ladies: a Tantric Massage can, but does NOT HAVE TO include inner work. You absolutely must make clear agreements with your therapist before your session as to what you are ready for. And you must communicate if you change your mind in the process, which you have every right to do. !

8. Consent and Boundaries

And here we come to an essential point! Consent and boundaries. In the beginning of the session, your practitioner will tell you what you can expect. Like, if they will do breathwork with you, or a meditation, or an honouring ritual or some other Tantric Practice. They will ask you about your boundaries (where they are allowed to touch you and where not) and will share with you the boundaries THEY have. For example, if a woman masseuse is working with a male client, she will tell you that she’d be wearing underwear during the session. She will tell you that if you want to reciprocate touch, you will need to ask her. She might say yes or she might say no, and you will have to be OK with that. Note - if you want them naked, with mutual sensual/sexual touch, that is a perfectly healthy desire. Make sure you ask them on the phone BEFORE you show up for the session, so you know what kind of service they provide. FYI, full nakedness and mutual touch will not necessarily be part of a Tantric Massage but might be so in a sensual / erotic one. Ask your questions and make an informed decision. If you happen to be in a female body, receiving from a male therapist, and they are not wearing pants or underwear in the session, you’d better call them out on it. It is essential that you feel safe and held in your session, and you do not let your boundaries be overstepped. (Unless it is your partner and you are getting a Tantra Massage for your birthday which then turns into ecstatic lovemaking, in which case yay for you!)

9. Why Tantra Massage?

A Tantra Massage will give you the opportunity to come home to your body in a totally new way. It will give space to all what you are feeling, thinking, sensing. By combining conscious loving touch and Tantric practices such as breathwork, meditation, sound and movement, you will receive not just pleasure but potentially deep healing as well. Do use the space to voice any fears, doubts or curiosities, express your boundaries and talk about desires. For some people this is already HUGE! How many times do we engage in intimate relating without ever sharing (or even knowing) what we like, what we are afraid of, or what our boundaries are! An experienced, well-integrated tantric practitioner will give you the space to talk about all that and more. You will learn a great deal about yourself, if you just keep an open, curious mind and let yourself be guided. The invitation is to step into awareness and presence (ie. not to fall asleep or space out). To open all your senses, to breathe into your sensations, to expand the state of bliss into the whole of your body and energy field - so you can experience that you are much much more than just a  3-dimensional physical body.With the right practitioner, whose energy resonates with yours, and through surrender and letting go, a Tantra Massage can be a blissfully ecstatic experience, ultimately connecting you to your divine essence. 

10. Will I have an orgasm?

Dear human with a cock, you are invited to let go of the idea of having a Tantra massage just so you can ejaculate at the end! While every practitioner will be different in their approach (there are MANY different Tantric schools and modalities), they might share the view that a Tantra Massage session does not necessarily come with a “Happy Ending”. Eventually, this is your choice, and there is nothing wrong with wanting to cum, and if you do ejaculate in the process, it will be celebrated! Yay! But making it happen will not be the main focus of your session.And, you still might have an orgasm!

Yes, that’s right. You just spent a couple of hours breathing, receiving, awakening energy in your body, building sensitivity and awareness, experiencing deep relaxation, pleasure and healing. And here is where our true potential lies as sexual beings - the sexual energy that you’ve built is now ready to move in your body, to invigorate your cells, to fuel the dreams you want to fulfill in life. When your sexual energy flows freely, you can experience orgasms without ejaculating, just as intensely but without the inevitable energy drop afterwards. I think that’s pretty amazing, don't you?

Happy explorations!

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